To go along with my sad mood, I've been frustrated lately. I get lots of little comments made to me about Brendan and his energy level. This past week has been especially hard for me since I'm a little more sensitive than normal. It's hard for me because although I know my son is very active, loud and hard to control at times, other people don't get to see the sweet, loving little boy that I get to spend each day with. Brendan gives the best hugs and sweetest kisses, he says thank you (sometimes at the wrong time but still, it's pretty cool), is very obedient, folds his arms for prayers (again, not all the time but my heart melts when he does) and loves to laugh. Just today someone told me that Brendan is "quite the screamer"... what did she want me to say to that? I wanted to punch her in the face but since I was at church, I figured that wasn't the best option so I just said, "I know" and left it at that. I know he can out-scream any other baby and I know he's all over the place- trust me, I know.
I feel like I'm being judged a little when people make comments like that to me. I'm sure they think that I let Brendan do whatever he wants and do as he pleases, which is flat out not that case. I've been working very hard with him to control his outbursts and learn that screaming is not okay most of the time, and Brendan's come a LONG way. For the past 3 weeks, he's played quietly by our side during church. He behaved so well when we were at the grocery store that I actually got everything I needed. He's learned that when I say "shhhh" to lower his voice. And I've seen him grow to be obedient and follow directions. The first time he stopped running when I said stop (okay, maybe I yelled it), I about fell over with shock and delight.
But worst of all, I know people see him and think he's a "wild child" (another thing someone said to me) and it just breaks my heart. Chris and I have prayed long and hard about Brendan and his challenges, and I know that one day he'll learn to control himself or grow out of it or whatever. I just know that everything is okay and will be okay. And I love that he gets excited and shows it easily. It makes for the best homecomings ever. And I love that he laughs so easily and so often. Thinking back about my brother, it's made me realize that if Brendan were gone I'd miss all the things that other people are criticizing. I don't want him to be any other way or anyone else. He's my special guy and I'm glad.